Genre: New Adult, Coming of Age, Fiction Publication.Date November 29th 2013 Pages: 249 Published By: Amazon Digital Services Website Fractured Heart Goodreads
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It is because we love them so much that we lay our heart in their hands. So when they do not treat it delicately, instead choosing to squeeze the life out of it, it becomes fractured. A fractured heart, almost impossible to heal the pain etched into that tiny little organ.
But there is mercy...
My name is Katy. I have been ripped apart and torn to shreds by past and present circumstances. Everything that I am has been tested, and faith is slowly fading away. I try to forget the past and move on. I try not to let those events define my life. But the past, she just walked through the door, and she is about to test every limit that I can handle.
My life...just got real
Letting out a long, heavy breath, I say, "We need to get out of this house. It's making us crazy, and you're starting to annoy the crap out of me." Turning to look at her she has her eyes closed and a big smile on her face.
"That means that my work here is done. I shall die a happy person," Faye says. Jumping off the couch quickly, she startles me, and I flinch. "I have an idea." she says a little giddy, not even acknowledging my flinch.
"No, I'm not telling. Do you trust me?"
"Is this a trick question?"
"Whatever, just throw your shoes on and let's go." She glances at her watch. "We have three hours before they close. We'll grab dinner on the way."
I do as I am told, reassuring myself that Faye knows what I can and can't handle at this point. She wouldn't take me somewhere that was unbearable. Did I trust her? Yes, with my life. That's why I had to do better. For her, for Collin, I could do this.
Hopping in her car, we drive out as the sun starts to fade behind the horizon. It would only be light out for another hour. The hope I had that we would be back before it got dark, was not looking good when she merged onto the e-way.
"Where exactly are we going?" I asked, my voice sounding a little panicky. I didn't like where this was going, but that's where trusting her came in.
"It's a surprise. Just sit back, relax, listen to Kelly Clarkson, and trust me." It was ironic that Kelly Clarkson was singing about loving someone's dark side. In the past, I would have never thought I had a dark side. But now, with the route my life had taken, I thought that maybe everyone did have a dark side. It was just buried deep, and certain life events pulled it out of hibernation. I wondered if there was anything that could bury the dark side again or if one had to just learn to live with it. That led me to thoughts of my mom. She embraced her dark side. Would I?
Driving for about thirty minutes, Faye gets off on exit thirty-seven. There is only one thing out here, so the jig is up. I groan internally, but let her have her moment not saying anything. We pull up to the little toll shack and pay the parking fee to get into Fantasy Amusement Park
"What's your game?" I ask. Looking out the window at all the cars packing the tiny parking lot, my nerves already start to tingle.
"Just trust me." Turning into a parking spot, she grins. Walking the short distance to the ticket booth she pays the fee, refusing to accept my money when I try to hand it to her. People rush by us trying to make a quick exit so they can avoid the long lines at closing time. Stopping at the front entrance I plaster myself against the wall, the stone feeling like ice on my back. My breathing starts to escalate, and my heart hammers in my chest. Faye, seeing my distress, grabs my wrist and turns toward the crowd.
"Watch out, she's going to puke!" she shouts. I probably have a look of horror on my face, which convinces people that I will be sick, so they clear a path for us immediately. We stop at the Top Runner, the highest coaster in the park. I have never been one for roller coasters the few times we have been here. I was the person that held everyone's stuff as they got on and rode. I just didn't delve into the unknown. Faye stood behind me acting as my bodyguard, as I stopped a good distance away from the person in front of me. The line wasn't that long, we probably would get to the front in ten minutes. I took that time to plead with Faye.
"Faye this isn't a good idea. I haven't been on a big coaster. I may get sick for real." Panicking, I try to pull her out of line, but she doesn't budge. "Please Faye."
I think she may have a change of heart, but then she shakes her head in protest. "When did you stop trusting me? It'll be fine," she says, drawing out that last word. "I have a theory." That does nothing for me.
"Is this like the time you theorized that if we used enough gum we could hang pictures on the wall? Because Grandma didn't like that."
"I thought that was a great idea, for a seven-year-old. It was inventive and it worked." Proud of her theory, she beams at me.
"Yes, well I was the one that was stuck scrubbing it off the walls. Gum doesn't come off easily after a prolonged period of time."
Looking at the coaster reaching towards the sky, my heart drops to my feet. I swallow the lump in my throat and look at Faye. Guessing what I am about to say she puts her hands on my shoulders causing me to tense up. "Trust me."
I'm not sure what the best thing is in this sort of situation. Do I completely ignore the giant death trap in front of me, or check it out for off centered tracks and stuff? Why couldn't we just go on the Apple Dipper in the kid's area? There were at least eight hills on this one, five of those high enough to make me plan my escape. By the time we made it to the front and were being ushered on, it was too late. Faye pulled me to the front car. She hopped into the very first row, but all I could think about was the eight other strangers that would be behind me. Then I realized that not only would we all be locked in, but we'd be going close to eighty miles per hour, so I jumped in next to her. As the shoulder harness comes down I reach up to assist it's drop until I hear a click. Then, for good measure, I push up as hard as I can to make sure it is secure. The ride attendant standing to my left gives a thumbs up to the man in the box at the other end of the platform. This was it, I took a deep breath and looked at Faye.
She smiled and mouthed, "Trust me." With a jolt, the ride was in motion. And all I could think was, trust is more difficult than I thought when your life is on the line.
As we were being pulled up the lift hill that familiar quickening started in my chest, so I grabbed the metal bar in front of me for dear life, but my hands were so sweaty they just slipped off. Fear started to claw its way to the surface, and I did my best to push it down. I tried not to think, instead listening to the clinking of the car being pulled up. The closer we got to the top of the hill, the more I felt my body tensing, my heart pounding, my stomach twisting and turning. This was it, we were at the top. And then, we were sailing down so fast it knocked the wind out of me. I let out a blood curdling scream, as it seemed like we were dropping into oblivion, but quickly we straightened out and twisted to the right. As we took the next hill I thought I had a minute to gain my composure, but it came and went so quickly that was not the case. My head was tossed in so many different directions, it was a wonder it was still attached to my body. First left, then right, then left again. We were going up another hill, anticipating it this time, I tried to enjoy it. My breathing was erratic, my heart was thumping so loudly I could hear it in my ears, and my body felt high like it had been lifted into another world.
This was not the same erratic breathing and heart racing that I had become accustomed to. This was different, because it was not born out of fear... it was born out of excitement. The thought had me smiling and throwing my hands in the air. This was Faye's game, she had wanted me to endure those same feelings I've been having the past couple of weeks, but for a different reason. She was trying to direct those emotions to something positive in hopes that I could call on them the next time I was in a situation similar to that in the studio. She really was a genius, and I was glad that I had trusted her.
The next five hills were similar, my excitement grew with each one. When the ride was over we jumped off while patting our hair down. We both wore the same never ending smile. There wasn't time to go again like I wanted to, so we jumped on the e-way and headed home. The sun had dropped below the horizon already, and the night was dark with the new moon lingering.
Turning to Faye, she still wore that smile. "Thank you." It's the first time I've said that to her since coming back. She deserved more, but I don't know how to give her more right now. She seems more satisfied with the "thanks" than I would have been.
She looks at me, and her smile grows bigger. "I wanted to ask you," she hesitates, "do you want me to go with you tomorrow morning? I thought maybe you could try going by yourself though. I'll keep my phone close so you can call me if you need to." She adds quickly. I had forgotten about my morning plans with Caleb with the excitement from the roller coaster still lingering. I look out the window, as I think about her question. Earlier, in the studio, proved how unready I am at being touched by men. Caleb just merely brushed up against me, and I had a panic attack. I wasn't sure what he had planned as I think back to his "dress nice" comment. He seemed like a decent enough guy to keep his hands to himself knowing that it sets me off. Should I consider tonight's roller coaster ride a breakthrough? I guess time would tell me the answer to that.
Making up my mind, I look at Faye, and say, "That sounds like a good idea." I think she lets out a short breath, but it was too dark in the car to tell, and it was too quiet to hear. I can do this; for her.
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